When parents are separating or getting divorced, they know they must talk to their kids. Therapists can help with this, and I am a big fan of getting therapists involved whenever possible. Sometimes, the children will start seeing a therapist themselves. All these solutions are helpful; however, I have another suggestion.

Make a video with or without your partner and talk to your kids. While a video is not a substitute for in-person communication, I think it can help.

In today's world, many children are more comfortable looking at videos and texts on their phones, and a video is more personal than a text.

You can say whatever you want in these videos and make them as often as you like without overwhelming your child.

Make sure no matter which topic you choose, that you tell your child you are there for them, that you will listen to what they have to say, They can say how they feel, and they should be comfortable talking to both you and the other parent. Because you are doing this by video, encourage them to send you back a video or to sit down and talk with you. They need to know this is not one-sided. And try to make it fun if you can. 

Here are some ideas you may have already thought about: 1) Tell them how much you love them and that the separation is not their fault. This is a problem between adults and you and your partner; you love your child no matter what. This kind of communication is commonly learned through therapists and is very important. There are probably dozens of ways to communicate this emotion, and you can find more by doing a thorough search on the internet and talking to a therapist. Books are great, too. 2) talk about things that they like, things that are important to them like their friends, their favorite subjects in school, their goals, and how both of you will support them in reaching them; 3)  Think about things that you would like to say to them regularly but don't. It might be easier for you in front of your video camera on your phone than otherwise. 4) Try this out and see if it helps you and your kids.  5) remember that these videos will be viewed again and again by her children, especially if they are loving and thoughtful. That's a good thing. Watch them several times before you send them - The last thing you want is to say something embarrassing, and then they put it on the Internet.

6) Whatever you do, say nothing bad about the other parent in these videos, no matter what their problems are or what they've done wrong. Children don't want to hear criticism of the other parent from you.

Do not use your child as a therapist – if you need to talk to someone, speak to a therapist knowledgeable about marriage and family problems or a friend who knows how to listen. If physical safety is involved, make sure that they are safe—there are plenty of resources for dealing with family violence, and you should seek them out.

7) Last but not least, make sure your video is age-appropriate. A video for a 17-year-old will be very different from one for a 10-year-old. If they're too young to have a cell phone, then make the video and sit down with them in front of a computer to watch with them.

8) As far as I know, I made this up. While I may not be the first to think of it, I've never seen it before, so please send me your questions and ideas.